I'll Be
by Ellivia22
Summary: After the 'Beast incident, Beast Boy has lost all respect from his team, making him almost go over the edge. Can Raven help him get his friends back before things get worse? Rated T for suicide mention. BBxRae. Complete! R&R.
1. Saving a Life

(Disclaimer: I do not own Beast Boy, though I'd love to. This song belongs to Edwin McCain.)

******I'll Be**

******By: Ellivia22**

******Chapter 1 Saving a Life**

******Raven**

"Raven?"

I look up from my book to see Robin standing in front of me. "Yeah."

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the carnival with Star, Cy, and I?" He asks.

I shake my head, raising my eyebrow. "Isn't Beast Boy going with you guys?" I ask, trying to keep the blush from creeping on my face.

Robin looks away slightly. He looks slightly uncomfortable. "He said he didn't want to come."

I stare at him, stunned. What the hell is going on here? I feel suspicious. ___Beast Boy, not wanting to go to a carnival? That's not like him_. Before I can respond, Robin leaves the room. I think about it some more.

Once he took the antidote, Beast Boy was back to normal. That is, until a couple of days ago. He's been locking himself his room a lot more than I do, and that's saying something. I try to be there for him, but lately he's been pushing me away. Tears threaten to spill my eyes as I think about how much pain he's caused me by shutting me out. I can't stand not hearing his jokes anymore. Things start to rattle around me. I wipe my tears away quickly. Once I hear the T-car leave, I decide to go and check on Beast Boy. Maybe now that everybody's gone, he'll finally let me be there for him. I get up from the couch and walk towards his room.

**__****The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful**

**__****Stop me and steal my breath**

**__****Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky**

**__****Never revealing their depth**

**__****Tell me that we belong together**

**__****Dress it up with the trappings of love**

**__****I'll be captivated**

**__****I'll hang from your lips**

**__****Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above**

I knock on the door. "Beast Boy?" I call.

Without waiting for an answer, I enter his room using my magic, since I figure the door was locked. I gasp in horror at the sight in front of me. Beast Boy is standing in the middle of his surprisingly clean room, his body shaking. Tears are running down his face, his eyes closed. My heart starts pounding when I see the gun he has pressing against his head. "Beast Boy NO!" I cry.

Right when I tackle him to the ground, Beast Boy pulls the trigger, the bullet barely missing both of us. The gun falls out of his hands and hits the ground, us following. As we fall, I hear the lightbulb above us explode. I'm not sure if it is because of the bullet or my emotions, but I don't care. I manage to pin Beast Boy to the ground and put a black shield over us at the same time to prevent us from being hit by glass.

Once I'm sure everything is okay, I suspend the shield. Beast Boy continues to struggle, trying to grab the gun, which is a few inches away. "Get off me Raven," he snaps, not sounding like the changeling I know. He continues to struggle, trying to get out of my grip.

"Are you crazy?!" I nearly scream. I hear windows breaking, but I'm too scared to care. "Do you really think I would let you go so you could kill yourself? Remember what you told me after Malchior betrayed me? '___You_ ___think you're alone, Raven, but you're not'. _You're not alone, Beast Boy! Please talk to me!"

**__****I'll be your crying shoulder**

**__****I'll be love suicide**

**__****I'll be better when I'm older**

**__****I'll be the greatest fan of your life**

Beast Boy glares at me, turning into a rat and easily gets out of my grasp. My heart pounds as I realize how desperate he is to end his life. I can't believe it. My Beast Boy! Well, if there's a way to prevent this, then as sure as hell I'll prevent it. Without hesitation, I use my powers to summon the gun into my hands. I open up the gun and pour out the bullets. I toss the gun aside. I let a small sigh of relief when he doesn't try to run out the door.

As soon as he notices the gun is empty, Beast Boy turns back into himself. He buries his head in his knees and starts sobbing. Silently I move beside him and pull him into my arms. ___He needs____me. I've got to help him_. His arms wrap around my waist. I hold him tight. "Why w-won't you let m-me die," he manages to choke out, his tears falling on my shoulder.

I ignore his question. "Why did you just try to take your life?" I ask in a slightly frightened voice, tears of my own threatening to fall. I feel him tense up in my arms.

He says nothing but his hand leaves my back to point at his desk. I take a glance around his room and realize that he is really serious about killing himself. I see four different piles containing his items. Everything he owned, in piles to each of the Titans. ___He's really serious._ I raise my hand and a piece of paper from his desk rushes to it. ___"No need to hide, the Beast has finally died"_ it reads.

**__****Rain falls angry on the tin roof**

**__****As we lie awake in my bed**

**__****You're my survival, you're my living proof**

**__****My love is alive not dead**

**__****Tell me that we belong together**

**__****Dress it up with the trappings of love**

**__****I'll be captivated I'll hang from your lips**

**__****Instead of the gallows of heartache, that hang from above**

My eyes widen, tears falling rapidly from my eyes. I hug him tightly. "Beast Boy, you took the antidote, remember?"

Beast Boy laughs bitterly. "Yeah, tell the others that."

"What are you talking about? They care about you. ___I_ care about you."

He shakes his head. "You don't see what really happens. Whenever I try to crack a joke, I get only false laughter. Every time I talk to Robin, Starfire, or Cyborg, I see them tense up. They won't even look me in the eye anymore. You know, they never asked me to go to the carnival with them. I was in the hallway when I overheard Robin talk to you. I went back to my room after I heard what he said. They still hate me after how I acted when I wasn't myself. They still believe that I hurt you intentionally. Robin kept begging me to tell the truth that night about what happened to you, though truly, ___I could not remember_. Robin said he'd have to assume the worst, and that he'd have to put me in jail. They didn't believe me, meaning they don't care about me. They never have."

My heart pounds against my chest. How could they be so horrible to him? He never hurt me. He only protected me from Adonis. I told Starfire and the rest that he saved my life. How could they be so cold to him now? He took the antidote, he's perfectly fine. I rub his back softly. I feel Beast Boy calming down slightly. But I sense that's not the only reason why he almost killed himself. I decide to call him on it.

"What else?" I ask.

"What do you mean 'what else'?" he asks, pulling away slightly to look at me. Fake confusion is on his face. I don't buy it.

"This can't be the ___only_ reason why you want to die. I've been trying to talk to you. You keep shutting me out, and it really hurts. Please tell me why. Let me be here for you." I whisper.

**__****I'll be your crying shoulder**

**__****I'll be love suicide**

**__****I'll be better when I'm older**

**__****I'll be the greatest fan of your life**

Beast Boy sniffles, giving in. "The team told me that they found me in Beast form you in my teeth. They said I kept coming back to attack you and just wouldn't leave you alone." I see guilt in his eyes. "I told them I'd never hurt you, ___ever_. But they didn't believe me. They still think I'm going to hurt you, and they might be right. Who knows if this Beast is going to take control of me again? I don't want to take the chance for something like that to happen again. I can't live with the guilt of knowing that I hurt the girl I love above all things. I deserve to die," he finishes, burying his head in my chest.

My breath catches in my throat. ___Did he just say the "L" word?_ I can't believe what I had just heard. "You love me?" I whisper.

He nods. "I always have, and I know I always will."

**__****I've been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead**

**__****Tuned in, turned on, Remembered the things that you said**

**__****I'll be your crying shoulder**

**__****I'll be love suicide**

**__****I'll be better when I'm older**

**__****I'll be the greatest fan of your life**

I lift his chin so that his green eyes meet my violet ones. "Beast Boy," I whisper. "Can you imagine how much hurt you would've caused me if I didn't walk in today?" His eyes lower. I place my hand on his damp cheek. "Especially since now I know how you feel."

"Why so you can kill me and-." I cut him off by pressing my lips against his.

I feel a warm sensation enter my body. I feel him kiss back, emotions running back and forth like electricity.

I wrap my arms around his neck as his circle around my waist. We break apart for air. Tears are running down my face in happiness. "I love you, Gar." I say, using his real name for the first time.

He smiles softly at me, the first smile I've seen in days. "Please stay with me," he says quietly.

"I wouldn't leave even if you asked me to." I whisper back.

Our lips meet again in another sweet kiss. The kiss doesn't last forever, but I know we will.

**__****I'll be your crying shoulder**

**__****I'll be love suicide**

**__****I'll be better when I'm older**

**__****I'll be the greatest fan of your life**


	2. Making a Promise

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans, but if I did, Beast Boy and Raven would have done much more than just hug in "Spellbound". I don't own the song either. It belongs to my favorite group Simple Plan.

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 2 Making a Promise**

******Beast Boy**

A few hours after our talk, I find Raven has fallen asleep, still in my arms .Her words keep ringing in my head. ___You're not alone, Beast Boy_. My eyes focus on the gun lying by us, the bullets surrounding it. As I focus my green eyes on them, I am reminded of everything. All the pain I've been feeling, why I almost took my life, and how Raven stopped me.

I feel slightly better when I remind myself that she loves me back. Although she loves me, it doesn't take away the anguish and hurt that flows through me.

**__****I open my eyes  
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light  
I can't remember how  
I can't remember why  
I'm lying here tonight  
And I can't stand the pain  
And I can't make it go away  
No I can't stand the pain**

They all hate me. Rob, Cy, Star. I wonder why they won't forgive me. And yet- a part of me can't blame them. I'm having a hard time forgiving myself. I would think that at least Starfire would forgive me. I mean, the longest she's been mad at me was a couple of days, because of that prank, but it's been almost a week since I took the antidote, and nothing. I look out my window. The windows are dark. It's late.

I pick up Raven and lay her on the bottom bunk of my bed, giving her a small kiss on the forehead. My heart flutters slightly as my lips touched her porcelin skin. I pick up the gun and a bullet and make my way to the roof. I sit on the roof and load the gun. But this time, I just twirl the gun in my hands, my mind unable to escape the pain. I don't understand why they hate me so much. I can't stand it when people are sad. All I try to do is make people smile. I wince as I remember how fast Rob, Star, and Cy judged me all just because of the way I acted ONE NIGHT.

They others don't understand how much pain I'm going through and how much they hurt me when they pretend I'm not there. The way they act around me now, makes me wonder if I really ___did_ hurt Raven when I was in Beast form. I wonder if I intentionally wanted to hurt her. I know if I had control, that I would never hurt her.

**__****How could this happen to me?  
I made my mistakes  
Got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me?**

I stare at the gun in my gloved hands. I consider killing myself again, but change my mind when I think about what Raven said. ___Can____you imagine all the hurt you would've causedme?_ Instead, I throw the gun off the tower. I tense up when I feel someone sit beside me. Raven.

"Thanks for not trying again." She says, wrapping her arms around me.

"I'm just so glad that someone on the team cares." I mutter, relaxing into her embrace. "It hurts so much, Raven. The pain is almost unbearable. What did I do to make them hate me so much? I feel like I've been tossed off the team, and wasn't important enough to be informed of it. I wasn't myself just one night and they all act like I'm a disease. What's wrong with me?"

**__****Everybody's screaming  
I try to make a sound but no one hears me  
I'm slipping off the edge  
I'm hanging by a thread  
I wanna start this over again**

Raven pulls my chin so I can look into her eyes. I try to shield the pain from mine, but she sees them anyway. She winces slightly, probably because she feels it too. "Beast Boy, there's nothing wrong with you. They are the ones with the problem, not you."

"I know. But I still care about them. They are like my family." I pause to think about what I just said. "They ___are_ family." I correct myself. "You guys are all I have left, and their hatred is cutting me up on the inside."

**__****So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered  
And I can't explain what happened  
And I can't erase the things that I've done  
No I can't**

"I'm going to talk to them. They have to know what they're doing to you. I have to at least try. I love you, and it hurts me to see you in so much pain. I'll do anything and everything to make it right again."

Her words are comforting. Some of the pain is leaving me for the moment. However I'm afraid that'll make things worse. I shake my head. "No. I don't want to pull you into this. This is my problem, not yours."

**__****How could this happen to me?  
I made my mistakes  
Got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me?**

"The way you're handling it isn't good for your health. I mean, think about it. You almost committed suicide! You are not strong enough emotionally to handle this issue alone. The team needs you, whether the others realize it or not. I don't want to lose you."

"You won't lose me." I say, trying to convince her and myself

"You can't promise me that. Especially since you almost took your life."

I sigh in defeat. "Okay, Rae, you win. Just please be careful. I don't want them to end up hating you too."

"I don't care if they start hating me or not. Beast Boy, when I talk to each of them, I have to be alone with them. But before I do this, I have to be absolutely sure that you won't attempt to hurt yourself again."

I kiss her softly, grateful that she is willing to do this for me. I know it's going to be hard, but I am willing to give her my word. "I give you my word as a man."

She smiles at me, warming my heart. We stare at the moon together. I hope she can help me soon, and that I can hold on to my promise.

**__****I made my mistakes  
Got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me?**


	3. Starfire

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. If I did, there would be an extended fluffy scene between Robin and Starfire in "Date With Destiny"

(A/N: All of the Titans will seem very OOC in my story. I hope you don't mind, but they have to be out of character to work with my story. I hope you like it. Please R&R!)

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 3 Starfire**

******Raven**

The next morning, I decide to get started right away with helping Beast Boy. Since he gave me his word, I feel I can trust him. I figure the best person to start with is Starfire, since she is the easiest person to get along with.

I knock on her door. Almost immediately, Starfire opens it, Silkie in her arms. "Friend Raven! What can I do for you?" she asks cheerfully.

My insides burn with slight anger, but I make sure it doesn't show. I can't believe she's so cheerful when everything is so horribly wrong. "Um, Star. There's something bothering me, and I really need someone to talk to."

Starfire smiles, obviously glad that I am willing to go to her. "Of course! Let me put Silkie down for a nap and we can do this 'girl talk' as they say."

I walk into her room and sit on her bed. My heart is pounding as I wait for her. Less than five minutes later, she down next to me. "Now. What is troubling you?"

I take a deep breath. "Star, I've fallen in love with someone."

Star claps her hands in delight. "Oh joyous! Absolutely wonderful! You must tell Cyborg how you feel! I am almost certain he feels the same way!"

I manage to hold back my disgust. Don't get me wrong, I like Cyborg, but he's more of a big brother and nothing more. (A/N: No offense to Cy/Rae fans, but this is a BB/Rae fic) I shake my head. "It's not Cyborg."

Star stops in mid sentence. "It is not him? Please tell me it is not Robin." she begs.

I almost laugh at the desperation in her voice. "No, it's not Robin."

I watch Star give a sigh of relief. I smirk slightly. "Who is it then?" she asks in curiosity. "Is it someone you met in town?".

I feel anger build inside of me again, but I manage to control it. "I'm in love with Beast Boy." I state, holding my head high.

Star looks away slightly. In a horrible attempt to cover it up, she says in a very falsely sweet voice. "Oh, wonderful! I do not even know why I did not think about him. You two would make a perfect coup-."

I hold my hand to get her to stop. "Star, don't even try to act happy about it. I know you're pretending. What do you have against Beast Boy? It's not still about that stupid prank, is it?" I ask.

She shakes her head, turning her back on me. "You do not want to know."

I place my hand on her shoulder. "Believe me, I do. I'm really worried about him. He hasn't come out of his room in days. His emotional status isn't good at all. Please, tell me. I need your help."

"I cannot help him."

"Why not?"

"Because he attacked you, Raven. He attacked Robin and Cyborg. I cannot forgive him for it. He said he did not mean to hurt you, but how can you be so sure? Especially since the argument you two had earlier that night. It just seems...logical."

I stare at her in disbelief. I have a hard time believing what I am hearing. Starfire's never been mad at Beast Boy, except for that prank. I would think that of all people at least ___she _would forgive him. "But he didn't hurt me. I told you that! You know he wouldn't! I mean, come on, this is Beast Boy we're talking about! He would rather die than hurt anyone. You have to believe that."

"How can we be so sure? He has changed." she says stubbornly.

"We've all changed since then. And I know, because I talked to him. Believe me, he feels beyond guilty right now. He almost took his own life last night while you guys were at the carnival. Don't you even care about him?" I ask in fury, making a lamp explode. I attempt to calm myself down.

"I..." Starfire, looks down at her hands.

Getting impatient, I try something else. "Do you care about me?"

"Of course I do. You are like a sister to me."

"All I'm asking is that you think about what I said. Forgive Beast Boy for my sake. Talk to him. He really needs a friend right now." I say getting up from her bed. I close her door and walk down the hall. I can't believe that someone like Starfire could hold a grudge. Well, I can't stop now. One Titan down, two to go.


	4. Cyborg

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, Beast Boy and Raven would have more than just have 'a moment' in "The Beast Within"

(A/N: Thank you SO much for all your reviews! I feel really special now! Keep them up. Reviews are like warm fuzzies! All of the Titans will seem very OOC in my story. I hope you don't mind, but they have to be out of character to work with my story. I hope you like it. Please R&R!)

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 4 Cyborg**

******Raven**

I leave Starfire's room, my insides burning with anger. Her logic still doesn't make any sense to me. Before I talk to the next Titan, I decide to go and make sure Beast Boy is all right. I find him on the couch reading a comic. I can still feel the pain that he's still experiencing, but I sigh in relief knowing that he's doing something to occupy his mind.

I head down to the garage, knowing that Cyborg would be there working on his "baby". Sure enough, there he is waxing the T-car. "Hey Cyborg, need any help?" I ask in what I'm hoping to be my usual monotone.

"Sure Rae. Here." he says, tossing me a rag. I start rubbing the side of the car, my thoughts returning to Beast Boy. I feel kind of nervous. If my conversation with Starfire didn't go very well, then I'm pretty sure my conversation with Cyborg won't go well either. I know that if I don't say anything, things might get worse. I'm about to open my mouth to speak when Cyborg interrupts me.

"Are you okay, Rae?" he asks in concern.

I shake my head, tears clinging to my eyes. I try to hold them back, but Starfire's words keep ringing in my head.

"What's wrong?"

I lose all control. I drop the rag and fall to the ground, tears cascading down my face. Paint cans are falling off the shelves and rolling towards the T-car. I know I need to control my emotions, but the tears continue to fall. Cyborg grabs me and pulls me out of the garage and outside the tower. He sits me on the ground carefully. "Rae, talk to me."

"B-Beast Boy," I manage to choke out.

Cyborg puts a robotic hand on my shoulder. "Did he hurt you again? If so, I'll take care of him! I'll talk to Robin and see if we could get him to leave the team and-."

I cut him off almost losing control. My anger is hanging by a thread. The windows of the T-tower are exploding. "HE DIDN'T HURT ME! HE ALMOST HURT HIMSELF!"

"What are you talking about?" Cyborg asks. He sounds confused. He probably still thinks Beast Boy hurt me. I manage to calm myself down a bit. ___Azarath Metrion Zinthos_ I chant in my head over and over again.

"Last night, I found him in his room, aiming a gun to his head! Why do you hate him so much? It's hurting him, and I can't stand seeing him in such pain."

"You want me to be honest with you?" he asks.

I narrow my eyes. "Of course!"

"Because he's always in the way! He never thinks before he does something. He almost destroyed me, remember? He always screws up the mission, by not acting serious when he needs to be. PLUS he doesn't eat meat! He wouldn't listen to us when he was in Beast form, or even the night before! He might even try to hurt us all again. We're better off without him."

My heart's pounding against my chest. Beast Boy wasn't kidding when he said the team hated him. "You know he didn't mean to give you that virus." I say quietly, finally calming myself down completely. "Besides, he was able to fix it. He doesn't screw up the mission. If he doesn't tell a joke, he gets really scared something bad is going to happen and it's how he hides his fear. If anything, he helps us. I don't blame him for not eating meat. I mean, how would ___you_ feel if you were in his position? He couldn't turn himself back because of the chemicals. And c'mon do you really think Beast Boy is willing to hurt us? I mean, it's Beast Boy! We're not better without him. The team needs him. He's our friend, and we should be there, supporting him and trying to help him. Not staying mad and hating him!"

Cyborg shakes his head, ready to argue back, but before he can, I decide to end the conversation, so he could think about what I'm saying. "You may not need him, but I do. And if you still refuse to help him, then you're not the kind of friend I thought you were." I finish, getting up and heading back inside the tower. My love for Beast Boy grows stronger while my hatred for the others is growing stronger with each person I talk to.


	5. Robin

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, Robin and Starfire would have been doing fluffy stuff during the episode "Nevermore",

(A/N: Thank you guys SOOOOO much for the reviews! They give me great confidence. Reviews are like warm fuzzies! Soft, cuddley, and good for the soul. Keep it up!)

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 5 Robin**

******Raven**

I have one more Titan to go, but I'm afraid to face him. Robin is definitely the kind who would hold grudges. I mean, look at his obsession with Slade. I know later Beast Boy will ask what the others said, but I'm afraid to tell him. I know that what I tell him could possibly make him feel worse. I enter the main room, finding that Beast Boy is no longer there. My heart pounding, I concentrate and with my powers and figure out he's in his room, fast asleep. I can see his pain filled face as he sleeps on. My heart grows heavy for the pain he has to endure. I love him more than ever.

I sit on the couch and bury my head in my hands, tears still running down my face. My heart is pounding with anxiety and pain. Anxiety of wondering what to tell him, and pain for all the things the others have against him. Them hating him is like hating me, because he's a part of me.

"Raven?"

I look up to find Robin staring at me. "Why are you crying?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Why do you say that?" Robin asks, sitting next to me.

"Because the others didn't."

"Try me."

I sigh in defeat. "They refuse to forgive Beast Boy."

Silence.

I look at Robin's face. He looks like he does every time he sees Slade. Hatred. "You won't forgive him either?" I ask in pain.

"What makes you think I would?"

I am horrified by his comment, but choose to ignore it. "How could you threaten to put Beast Boy in jail for something that he didn't do!" I ask in a deadly whisper.

"He refused to tell us what really happened. Instead he'd rather hide it. I mean, come on, "claws, a scream" that means he knew something. As far as I'm concerned, he should have been punished."

"What for? For saving my life?" I feel the anger build up again.

"For turning against us. He fought us. And think about it, he almost killed you!"

"For the last time, _he didn't hurt me_! He didn't turn against us on his free will! He had no control when the Beast took over him. And because of the affects of the chemicals, he couldn't remember anything either. Besides, did we threaten to put you in jail when you became Slade's apprentice? Or what about Red X? No! We stuck by your side, and gave you another chance. Doesn't Beast Boy deserve another chance?"

Robin looks away as if he is thinking about it. "No. Not the way he talked back to me. He said that was who he is now. He's not the Beast Boy we used to know. As far as I'm concerned, the old Beast Boy we used to know is dead."

I feel like he had just slapped me. I try yet again to defend the green Titan I love. "Of course he's the same old Beast Boy we know. You're just not willing to take the time to realize that. Besides he only acted that way that one night when he was affected by the chemicals. He took the damn antidote, Robin! He's all better! You didn't even bother to ask whether he was okay. You'd rather attack your own friend! Well, if you still refuse to give him another chance, then realize you will soon be short two teammates! You need him, whether you realize it or not! And if you don't forgive him, I will never forgive you!"

I get up and head to my room. I really need to meditate. I slam my door shut and enter Nevermore. I really need to talk with my emotions. I land in Nevermore with my heart pounding. I hurry around, gathering emotions as I pass them. I really need help. After ten minutes, we're ready to start a counsel.

"Thanks for waking me up." Rude says rudely. I ignore her.

"I need your help." I say quickly. "I feel so confused. One of my emotions are missing. The magenta one. "Wait, where's Love?"

The others look at each other. "She hasn't left her room since you found BB with the gun." Knowledge says.

"Why do they hate Beast Boy so much? I love him!" Timid says in a quiet voice.

"Maybe because they're afraid to trust him again." Knowledge says, cleaning off her glasses.

"But he never hurt us!" Rage says in fury. "It's all stupid Adonis's fault!"

"I know that." Knowledge argues back. I try to say something else, but I get interrupted by another one of my emotions.

"Why are they doing this to him?" Happy asks, her smile disappearing. The other emotions nod in agreement.

"I don't-."

I hold up my hand to stop Brave from jumping in. "You all know why they hate him. You heard what the others said. They are being stupid. I just need to know what I should tell Beast Boy. I know he's going to ask what the others said, but I don't want to break his heart."

"The truth." Knowledge says immediately.

"But the truth would hurt him." Timid says quietly. "We don't want to cause him even more pain."

"Keeping it from him would hurt him even more." Knowledge says wisely.

The counsel falls quiet. The rest of the emotions nod in agreement. "So it's settled." I tell them. "I will tell him the truth if he asks for it. Try and talk to Love. Tell her everything will be okay."

I leave Nevermore, and slowly walk to Beast Boy's room, bracing myself for his surely to be endless questioning. I am about to knock on the door when I hear sounds of scuffling. I blow away the door with my powers. To my horror I see a masked figure standing in the middle of the room, Beast Boy across his shoulder. Blood is running down his neck, his eyes are closed. He has been knocked out cold. "Beast Boy!" I cry.

I am about to use my powers when something heavy hits me hard in the head. The last thing I remember is seeing Beast Boy's communicator fall to the ground as he's carried out the window.


	6. Captured

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, Beast Boy and Raven would've done more things in "Nevermore"

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 6 Captured**

******Beast Boy**

I wake up with a huge headache. I feel very cold. I am unsure of where I am at first, but then I figure out I'm in some basement. There are tables, chairs, bookcases and all sorts of things like a normal basement would have. I try to move, but find that I'm chained to a stone wall and wires are wrapped around my body. I try to pull my wrists out of the cuffs, but end up making them bleed.

I remember I was sleeping in my room. I was trying everything in my power to keep myself from feeling the emotional pain. I remember hearing my window break. I remember fighting a masked figure, but kept losing. I guess I kept losing, because I was so emotionally tired. The last thing I do remember is being injected with something.

I close my eyes, my heart racing. I can't help but wonder why I had to be the one who got kidnapped. On the other hand, better me than anybody else, but you would think Starfire would be the target, because she's the closest to Robin. I feel tears clinging to my eyes as I realize I'll probably die here. I know the others aren't going to rescue me. Raven, maybe, but how long could she last against the kidnapper if even I couldn't protect myself?

___Maybe it's better off this way_. I will die not breaking my promise to Raven, and the others can be relieved from the burden I put upon them.

___No!_ A part of me rebels. ___Raven wouldn't want me to give up. She'd want me to fight_.

"I've got to get out of here." I mutter out loud, my hands desperately struggling against the chains. I try to turn into a gorilla so I can break it, but nothing happens. Sweat starts to drip down my face.

"Don't even bother trying to use your powers. As long as those wires are wrapped around you, you are powerless."

I recognize that voice almost immediately. "Slade! I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you've got the wrong Titan. If you're using me as bait, that won't work either, because nobody's going to rescue me."

Slade chuckles in a way that makes my insides turn. He comes into view. He looks the same as when when we last met. Metal armor and all. "Oh, don't worry, Beast Boy. I've got the right Titan."

My eyes narrow. "What do you want with me?"

Slade stands right in front of me. I feel very nervous, my heart pounding. This is not good.

"I've come to offer you a chance of a lifetime. I know how you're feeling right now. Alone, hurt, rejected. I know what your friends are doing to you. I know how much pain they are causing you. I can help mend that wound. I can make you feel accepted again. Join me and all your worries will be long gone."

A lot of things are going in my mind. I can feel a part of me longing to be accepted again, longing for the pain to go away. But I know I'd hurt Raven if I do. And that's the last thing I ever want to do. I'd rather die than hurt anybody, much less my Raven. "Never" I whisper.

"What was that?" Slade asks in a sinister voice. "I didn't catch that."

"NEVER! I'll never join you!" I shout furiously.

"Poor choice, though it doesn't surprise me. You're so weak you still cling on to your friends even though they hate you. Maybe this will change your mind." he says pushing a button in his hand. Almost instantly, I feel electricity enter my body from the wires wrapped around me. It feels like I am completely on fire. I close my eyes and grit my teeth to keep myself from screaming. All I know is I will not give in to Slade, even if it means my death. The Titans would be better off anyway. Tears start running down my face as the pain gets more and more excruciating. ___I love you, Raven_ I think to myself as I feel myself slip out of consciousness.

******Raven**

When my eyes open again, I find myself on the couch in the living room. A pair of green eyes are staring at me. At first I think they're Beast Boy's, but once my vision clears, Starfire comes into view. I suddenly remember what happened to Beast Boy. How he was pulled out of the window. I need to help him. I sit up suddenly. "Beast Boy."

"Do not worry, friend. He will not hurt you anymore. Robin is going to tell him to leave and-."

"HE DIDN'T HURT ME!" I shriek, making all the windows explode. I'm too scared and furious to care. I feel Rage wanting to take over, but I manage to keep that from happening.

"But we found you in his room unconscious." Robin says, standing in front of me.

I'm shaking with anger, making the lamps explode. Again, I don't care. "HE DIDN'T DO IT! HE'S BEEN KIDNAPPED! I WAS ATTACKED FROM BEHIND! WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM!"

The others look at each other, clearly still not believing me. I see slight doubt in Starfire's eyes, and the uneasiness on Cyborg's face. I can't deal with that right now. I stand up, ignoring the puzzled faces around me. Dizziness sweeps over me, but I ignore it. I glare at the rest of the team. "Fine. Don't believe me! I'll go and find him myself. And when I do, we aren't coming back." I turn into a raven and leave the T-tower, the anger still present inside me.

I turn back into myself and fly across Jump City, hoping to find a clue of where he could be.

******Starfire**

As soon as Raven leaves, I feel tears running down my cheeks. I cover my face with my hands and run to my room. I flop on my bed and hold Silkie close to me. I cannot get the image of Raven lying unconscious in the room of Beast Boy out of my head. The others think she has gone crazy, but I feel unsure. As I hold Silkie close to me, I realize that Beast Boy had given him to me. I want to believe that Beast Boy did not hurt Raven, but Robin says he should not be trusted. I am so confused!

I decide to go look around the room of Beast Boy to see if maybe there is a clue on what is going on.

When I get there, I notice how clean it is. I notice a big pile with a sign next to it, my name written on it. I pick it up and realize it's not a sign, but a letter. I open it up to read what it says.

___Dear Starfire,_

___By the time you find this letter,you guys would have already discovered my body. I'm so sorry I have to put you through this by taking my life, but it's something I have to do. I'm so sorry about the prank I pulled. I know I've apologized several times before, but I want to say it one more time, because I really do mean it, and it's something you need to know before I go. I'm so sorry about the way I acted before I took the antidote. I never meant to fight you, Cyborg, or Robin, but I had no control. If I did, I would never have. The guilt is tearing me apart, and I can't live with it anymore. I'm sorry about everything. I'm going to ____miss you so much, for you were always the one who would laugh at my jokes. I'm going to miss you because you were always so kind and caring towards me. Take care of yourself._

___Your friend always,_

___Garfield "Beast Boy" Logan_

___P.S. Tell Robin you love him. He feels the same way_

Tears are running down my face faster than ever. I am not sure at first what he meant by ___'discovering his body' _but I figure it out when I read the part ___'taking my life'_. I remember Raven had told me that he almost killed himself the night we went to the carnival. This must have been when he wrote the note. I look on the ground and see bullets, but no gun.

I feel disgusted with myself. Why did I not ask if he was okay? Why did I not try to talk to him, even though Robin told me not to? I sob quietly. I get up and almost leave when something else catches my eye by the window. Beast Boy's communicator. I pick it up and examine it. I see traces of blood. I may seem naive to most things, but when I see blood, I know something is not right. I touch the blood stain and realize it is fresh. I do not know whose blood it is, but I have to find out.

I fly out of the room as quickly as I can. I enter back in the living room, hoping the others are still there. Luckily they are. Robin is looking out the window, Cyborg sitting on the couch, staring into space. I stand in front of Cyborg, not wanting to waste any time.

"Friend, Cyborg...I have found Beast Boy's communicator with something on it. I think it is a clue to what is going on. I-I found blood."

"Probably BB's weapon of choice." I hear Robin mutter darkly. I ignore him, my heart pounding.

Cyborg looks back at me uneasily. He looks like he is trying to decide whether to help or not. I place my hand on his robotic arm. "Would you just test it please?" I say quietly, the tears still present in my eyes.

Cyborg nods mutely, opening his mechanical arm and scans the communicator. His human eye widens. "There are two bloodstains. One is BB's. The other is one of Slade's henchmen."

"What does that mean?" I ask in confusion.

Cyborg looks at me, his dark face pale. "It means BB has been taken by Slade. Raven was right. She must have seen them take him, and they didn't want any witnesses."

I gasp. "We must save him!"

Cyborg nods mutely in agreement. Robin however, does not comment. I look over at him. He does not look concerned at all. "He'll be fine. He's capable of saving himself."

I feel anger build inside me. "Robin! How can he be capable to save himself when he's against Slade? You know how ruthless Slade is! Can we just forgive him, please? He deserves another chance."

I move in beside Robin and take one of his gloved hands into my own. I look intently into his mask. "You not forgiving Beast Boy for that one thing is like me not forgiving you for hurting me. Please, friend. Just trust me. We need to save him."

I see the expression on his face soften slightly. "Okay Star," he says quietly. "But I'm doing this only because you want me to. Let's go rescue Beast Boy."


	7. Beast Boy's Sacrifice

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, Robin would have told Starfire that he loved her in the episode "Betrothed". I don't own this song either. It belongs to Bryan Adams.

(A/N: This is a songfic chapter to the song "Everything I Do," by Bryan Adams.)

(A/N: I dedicate this song to my crush, Brandon. Without him, my life would be incomplete. And maybe someday I'll tell him that everything I do is for him.)

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 7 Beast Boy's Sacrifice**

******Raven**

It's been several hours and I still haven't found anything. ___Where could he be?_. I land on a roof and start concentrating. I use my power to locate Beast Boy. A dark image crosses my mind. I see he's in the basement of a run-down house. I can feel greats amount of pain trying to be held back. Not just emotional, but physical as well. Someone's hurting him. I know exactly where to go. ___I'm coming, Beast Boy_.

Within five minutes I arrive at my destination. My heart is pounding as I enter the broken-down house. As fast as I can, I fly down the stairs. I feel like I'm about to collapse at the sight before me. Beast Boy is hanging by his wrists against a stone wall. Wires are wrapped tightly around his body. His shirt is ripped open and I can see blood running down his green chest. Blood is running down his wrists, probably from the chains. "Beast Boy!" I cry, running towards him.

He lifts his head, revealing a heavy black eye. His face is as pale as a sheet. "Rae," he says, his voice filled with pain. "Get out of here. Leave me!"

**__****Look into my eyes-you will see  
What you mean to me  
Search your heart-search your soul  
And when you find me there you'll search no more**

I ignore his last statement. "Don't worry, Beast Boy. I'll get you down." I'm about to use my powers when I hear crackling and groaning of pain. Beast Boy's eyes are closed, his teeth clenched. I feel his agony. I watch in horror as his body is being electrified. "Stop it!" I scream.

"As you wish." a voice says and almost instantly, the pain stops. "That is just to warn you what will happen if you come near him again."

"Slade," I growl. "Why are you doing this to him? What do you want with him?"

Slade comes out of the shadows. He looks exactly the same since we last met. I feel hatred build up inside me. "Welcome, Raven. You ask what my motives are, besides the fact that I'm a villain. Well, I figured I needed a new apprentice. Since he made my last one turn against me, I've been a little lonely. I know what your teammates have been doing to him, so I figure he would join me. Unfortunately his feelings for you was his undoing. So I'm punishing him."

"Let him go!" I growl.

Slade grins evilly at me. "Now what kind of villain would I be if I did that?"

"Fine!" I say in exasperation. "Then I'm ready to fight for him." I pull up my hood. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" I chant, sending desks and tables at Slade, who dodges them easily. I refuse to give up, for the sake of saving my Beast Boy.

**__****Don't tell me, it's not worth tryin' for  
You can't tell me, it's not worth dyin' for  
You know it's true  
Everything I do-I do it for you**

******Beast Boy**

I give a small groan of relief once the pain stops. My heart is pounding in fear for Raven. I try to hold up my head to watch, but the pain is too great. Instead I try to force my hands out of the chains that are holding me up. I can feel my hand scrape deeply, but I manage to get my right hand out. I'm about to work on my left when I hear a starbolt hit the chain, making it break. I fall to the ground. I try to pull off the other cuff around my wrist, but find I don't have the strength. I watch as two robotic hands pull it apart, making it fall off easily.

I look up to see Cyborg beside me. He's breaking the wires that are tied around me, a worried expression on his face. "Thanks." I say. He nods at me.

"Titans go!" Robin cries out.

Cyborg runs off towards the rest of the team to help fight Slade. I feel guilty. I should be helping my teammates, even if they are here just to save Raven. I try to stand up, but end up falling back down. I close my eyes so I can listen to what's going on. I force my eyes open, however, when I hear Raven cry out in pain. She's struggling to get up. I let out a small gasp as I see the bookcase behind her start to give way. Ignoring all the pain, I get on my feet and using all my strength, I manage to push Raven out of the way. I feel the heavy books falling on me, the pain sending me back on the ground. ___I love you, Raven_. I hit the ground, the bookcase crushing me.

**__****Look into your heart-you will find  
There's nothin' there to hide  
Take me as I am-take my life  
I would give it all-I would sacrifice**

******Raven**

I sit up, pain shooting in my body. I had just been pushed roughly to the side, my hood falling back. I hear a crash. I turn my head, the sight making my heart drop. The bookcase I was thrown into is now lying on the ground, books surrounding it. I gasp in realization as I see a green hand sticking out from underneath. "Beast Boy!" I cry.

Ignoring the pain from the battle, I manage to crawl over and move the bookcase off him. I toss the books aside until his body is completely uncovered. "Oh Beast Boy," I whisper, pulling him into my arms. I forget about everything, the battle, the pain. All that matters to me now is just me and my Beast Boy. He looks terrible. His body is completely bruised from the books that landed on top of him, adding to his other injuries. Tears start welling in my eyes when I realize the bookcase had crushed his chest, making the chances of him surviving very slim. ___Why did this have to happen toyou? Why now that we've found each other. We could've had a bright future ahead of us._ I suddenly have a glimmer of hope. I close my eyes and concentrate, waiting for my healing powers to work. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos." To my horror, nothing happens. ___Why of all the times for my powers to not work, why now? Why when I'm about to lose the love of my life?_I think miserably. I am driven out of my thoughts when I hear a faint voice whisper my name.

"Rae."

**__****Don't tell me, it's not worth fightin' for  
I can't help it-there's nothin' I want more  
Ya know it's true  
Everything I do-I do it for you**

I look down at the teen in my arms happy that he's still alive. My happiness disappears when I look at his face. Beast Boy's face is as pale as chalk, his eyes slightly open. His breaths are coming in short gasps. "Don't worry, Beast Boy, you're going to be all right." I say trying to convince him as well as myself.

Beast Boy shakes his head. "No Rae. I'm at Death's door."

"Don't say that." I cry, tears falling down my face.

Beast Boy manages the strength to reach up and wipe a tear away, his soft hand lingering on my cheek. "Don't cry Rae, please."

I hug him tightly, careful not to harm him more.

"Tell the others I'm sorry for everything, and that I'll miss them," he says quietly, a tear falling from his fading green eyes. "And thanks for believing in me, for loving me." His face is contorted to an expression of pain, as if he's desperately trying to hold on.

"I love you, Beast Boy." I whisper. "And I always will."

He smiles at me weakly. "I love you, too," he whispers, his emerald eyes falling shut. I feel his hand fall limply on my shoulder.

_****__**There's no love-like your love  
And no other-could give more love  
There's nowhere-unless you're there**_  
_****__**All the time-all the way**_******,**_****__**yeah**_

"No, please." I whisper. I lean in placing my lips softly on his cold ones. I feel all my emotion and love pour into him. I suddenly feel my powers return to me.

I lay his body on the ground. I place my hands on his crushed chest. Closing my eyes, I begin to chant. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos." I feel my hands glow blue. I feel his chest heal as well as some of the bruises, cuts and scrapes. After a few minutes, I stop healing and pull him back into my arms. My heart rushes in hope when I notice his skin isn't as cold as it was before.

"Friend Raven."

I look up to see Starfire standing in front of me. She looks extremely upset and slightly frightened. "The rescue people are here. If we hurry, there might be a chance to save Beast Boy."

I nod mutely. I pull my hood up to hide the tears. As I head out of the house with him in my arms, I pray with all my heart that he will live.

**__****Oh-you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for  
I can't help it-there's nothin' I want more**

_****__**Yeah I would fight for you, I'd lie for you  
Walk the wire for you-ya I'd die for you  
Ya know it's true**_  
_****__**Everything I do-I do it for you**_


	8. Waiting for News

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, Beast Boy would've done more kick ass scenes in "Employee of the Month"

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 8 Waiting for News**

******Raven**

I hold Beast Boy close to my chest as I exit the broken house. I sigh in relief when I see the red and white ambulance parked in front. The first thing they do is place him on the stretcher and start strapping him up. As they load him into the vehicle, I climb into it too. A paramedic starts to hesitate, but I glare at him, making him back up. I refuse to leave Beast Boy. I watch in horror as the crew works on my Beast Boy, trying to keep him alive. I close my eyes, not able to stand watching it any longer.

Once we arrive at the hospital, Beast Boy immediately has to go to the emergency room. So I'm here to wait in the waiting room, hoping for good news. I stare out the window at the sunset. The sky is decorated with green and purple. I stare at it, thinking about my Beast Boy. Before I lose all control, I float in the air and start meditating. I have to keep my emotions under control or all hell will break loose.

A timid voice snaps me out of meditation. "Friend, Raven."

I open my eyes to see Starfire standing before me, tears running down her cheeks. I glare at her hard, feeling pure hatred towards her for the moment. Right now I don't want to see any of the other titans. I'm still pretty angry about how they treated Beast Boy. "Get away from me!" I snap.

She backs up. "I am only trying to help."

"You had the chance to help! You had the chance to help him, but you didn't! Now what makes you think I'm going to let you help me!"

Star looks down. I feel guilt weigh on my chest, but the anger overpowers it. I am about to say something further, when she silently hands me a folded letter. After that, she turns and flies to the other side of the waiting room.

For a while, all I can do is just stare at the letter in my hands. Finally, my hands shaking, I manage to open it. I realize it's a letter from Beast Boy. The letter he wrote before he almost committed suicide.

___Dearest Raven,_

___There is so much you must know, so much I have to tell you. I first want to apologize for all the times I've annoyed you. I'm sorry for all the times I've hurt you. I'm sorry I called ____you creepy. (And I really do mean it) I'm really sorry that I'm going to kill myself, but it's something I have to do. The team is better off without me, and you know it. I'm doing it just in case the Beast within me decides to take over again. I don't want to take the chance of really hurting anybody, especially you. The truth is, I love you, Raven. I love you more than anything in the world, even tofu. Ever since I've met you, I've made a mission to make you smile. My only mission in life. But now, I realize that the only thing I've been doing is annoying you, and I'm sorry for it with all my heart. I'm going to miss you, because you always somehow manage to pull the comedian out of me. I'm going to miss you, because you are my everything. Take care of yourself. I'll watch over you. I'll always love you._

___Love,_

___Garfield Logan_

"___Beast Boy"_

I fold the letter and hold it close to my chest. I can still smell his scent from writing the letter. My heart is pounding. A tear runs down my face. It takes all that I am to force the sob back. ___So this is what I would have found by his body_. I realize what could have happened. I would've heard the gunshot. I would've found his body, covered in blood. I thank God that I came in time. I just wish I didn't leave him alone when I was talking to Robin. He wouldn't be here then. He'd be at the tower with us.

I can't help but wonder what I would do if he doesn't survive. Will I be able to make it? Will I be able to go on? I am brought back into reality by a male voice.

"Excuse me, are you here for Mr. Garfield Logan?" a doctor in his late twenties asks.

I float down to my feet. I pull down my hood. "How is he?" I manage to choke out.

The doctor hesitates. "He's alive, but in critical condition. He suffered from severe electrical shock, broken bones, and massive blood loss. We're keeping him in intensive care. We can only allow one person visit him. I guess that means you."

I follow him down the hall. I guess he didn't notice Starfire there, but I'm still too mad at her to care.

We stop in front of room 110. "I must warn you, he is comatose," he says, leading me into a small white room. "My name is Dr. Haevert, call me if needed."

I don't respond back, my eyes are fixed at the figure lying in the hospital bed. I close my eyes, hoping it's just a dream, but when I open them again, Beast Boy's still lying there. I walk over to the hospital bed. For a while the only thing I can do is stare at the pale figure.

"Hey BB," I say, my hand on his forehead. I stroke his face. Just seeing him makes my mind swim with fear. Fear of losing him. Fear that I'll never see his toothy grin again. Fear of being alone again. Fear that I could never go on.

Beast Boy's face is very pale, making the bruises and black eye stand out considerably. I'm very scared. I pull up a chair so I can sit right beside him. I continue stroking his face, the tears leaking from my eyes. A memory flashes back into my mind.

___I was in deep meditation on a cold Tuesday morning. During meditation I was thinking about my Beast Boy and how I had hurt him with the comment I made earlier that day. Suddenly the alarm went off. As fast as I could, I grabbed my cape and bolted out of my room, colliding with someone along the way, making me lose my balance. I closed my eyes waiting to hit the ground, when two arms wrapped around my waist. Instead, I fall into____the arms of the man who had been occupying my mind. Beast Boy. I blushed when I noticed how close our faces____were._

"___Sorry Rae," Beast Boy mumbled, placing his gloved hand on my cheek. I smiled slightly. Instead of gloating about making me smile,Beast Boy cupped my face in his hands. Our lips almost met when Starfire's voice interrupted us._

"___Friend Raven, Friend Beast Boy. Are you all right?" She asked, oblivious to the fact that she ruined the moment._

___Before we could reply to her, Robin jumped in "Okay,Titans. There's trouble down at the old warehouse. Let's go."_

___I quickly got off Beast Boy. I held out a hand to help him up. I felt my heart flutter when his hand lingered in mine. I just wished that he didn't have to let go_

That longing is still present inside of me. I feel guilt rise inside me. This is all my fault. If I hadn't left Beast Boy alone, he wouldn't have been taken, tortured. If only I had seen the bookcase coming. We could be on a date right now.

"You can't imagine how weird it is for you to be so quiet." I joke out loud, trying to get my mind off the guilt. However, I'm back to it. I feel words come tumbling out of my mouth.

"I'm so sorry Beast Boy. This is all my fault. I should've been there. I should've moved out of the way. It's all my fault you're laying here, fighting death. The only thing I ask is for you to forgive me. I ask that you could come back to me. I understand if you never want to talk to me again, but just as long as I can see your smile, your green eyes, I'll be happy."

I take a deep breath. "Beast Boy, you don't realize how much I love you. I meditate every day so that I can laugh at your jokes without hurting you. I meditate so I can think about you without my emotions getting out of control. I'd do anything for you. I need you here beside me. I need you here so you can hold me again. I need you to be here to love me. I need you so I could tell your jokes to my emotions. I need you so I can love you. Please, don't leave me."

I feel sleep coming over me, but I refuse to leave the love of my life, in fear of losing him forever. Careful not to harm him, I lie right beside him on the bed, my arm across his stomach, my head on his chest. I don't care if the doctor comes in and sees me like this. As long as I'm with him, I'm okay. "Oh yeah, and thank you for saving my life, even though I didn't deserve it." I whisper, snuggling close to him, partly in effort to keep his body warm. I fall asleep, listening to the faint beating of his heart.


	9. Will He Make It?

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, Cyborg would actually have kissed Sarasom in the episode "Cyborg the Barbarian"

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 9 Will He Make It?**

******Starfire**

As soon as the rescue people leave with Raven and Beast Boy, I decide to go to the hospital as well. Robin and Cyborg are still fighting Slade. I know I should be there to help, but I know that Raven needs my help as well.

I am sitting in the waiting room, waiting for Raven to return. When she does, I see her stare out the window for a few minutes. Then she starts floating in the air and starts meditating. I know she is trying so hard to control her emotions. A part of me thinks I should leave her alone, but I ignore it and go over to Raven. I want her to know that I am there for her.

"Friend Raven."

She opens her eyes. At first I see sadness in her eyes. Then they turn into pure hatred. I feel frightened.

"Get away from me!" she says furiously.

I back up. I am tempted to flee to the other side of the room, but I stand up for myself, tears running down my face. "I am only trying to help."

I say the wrong thing. Hatred builds in her eyes. "You had the chance to help him, but you didn't! Now what makes you think I'm going to let you help me!" she shrieks.

I feel like she has just slapped me. But I know I deserve it. Silently, I take out a letter out of my pocket. The letter Beast Boy wrote to Raven. I hand it to her, and without a backward glance, I fly out of the waiting room. I sit on the steps in front of the hospital, burying my head in my hands.

As I close my eyes, images of what just occurred keep flashing in my mind. I cannot help but remember.

___Robin, Cyborg, and I entered the basement of the run-down house____in a flash. We knew where to go,since we saw Raven's coordinates. I gasped when I saw Beast Boy hanging by one arm, with wires wrapped around him. He was so bloody and bruised, I felt tears come to my eyes. I knew it was all my fault. I watched as he desperately was trying to get his left hand out of the cuff that was holding him. Without a second thought, I threw a starbolt at the chain, making it break, and sending him to the ground._

"___I wouldn't have done that if I were you." The cold voice of Slade rung through the shadows. I had to duck to avoid getting hit by his fist._

"___Well you are not me, and you are going to leave my friend alone!" I shouted furiously. Slade was about to throw another punch, when Robin collided with him, throwing every punch, every kick he had learned. I started to help, when a horrified scream echoed the basement. Raven._

"___BEAST BOY!"_

___I turned and saw a bookcase lying on the ground, the bloody form of Beast Boy was a few inches away. I watched in horror as Raven pulled his limp body into her arms. I turn to Cyborg who was right next to me, his mouth gaped in horror. I did not know where Robin was, nor did I care. All I cared about was that my friend was all right. "Cyborg," I said with emotion. "Call for help."_

___Cyborg did not have to be told twice. Opening his arm, he dialed 911 to summon help. After that, he ran off to find Robin. I assumed he was going to help him fight Slade._

___Carefully, I walked over to Raven, who was cradling Beast Boy in her arms. "Friend Raven." I said with caution._

___She looked up at me, her face full of tears. "The rescue people are here. Maybe there will still be a chance to save Beast Boy."_

___I started heading out of the house, hoping that Raven was following behind me._

I never realized how much Beast Boy meant to me until I saw how limp he was in Raven's arms. It is all my fault he is in there, dying. Why did I have to be so STUPID? Why did I have to listen to Robin? Why did I not trust my own instincts? I knew that Beast Boy was not acting himself. Why did I not ask him if he was okay? I am supposed to be the caring one. What in the hell is wrong with me!

"Starfire?"

I look up and see Cyborg standing in front of me. He sits down next to me, and puts a robotic arm around my shoulder for comfort. "Friend, do you think he will be okay?" I ask in tears.

Cyborg looks at me, the expression on his face shows great amounts of guilt. He breaks into a fake smile. "Of course he will! It's BB! He's strong."

"Oh friend, I am not sure how to react around him now. I feel so horrible. I treated him like a muckbeetle. Like a clorbag. Instead of us forgiving him, he should be forgiving us. But we do not deserve his forgiveness."

"I know, Star." says Cyborg, sighing heavily. "But Robin told us not to trust him. I never thought it would hurt him so much. Now he thinks we don't care. You're right. We are the ones who need the forgiveness."

"What happened to Slade? Is Robin still fighting him?" I ask.

"Slade disappeared. He ran off, once he realized he was outnumbered. Robin's back at the tower."

"WHAT!" I scream. "WHY!"

"To look for Slade. You know how Robin is."

I stand up in fury. How could Robin be back at the tower looking for Slade when his friend is lying in the hospital fighting for his life? I start to fly back towards the T-tower.

Cyborg stands up in alarm. "Star, where are you going?"

I turn to face him, my eyes glowing green. "I am going to make him realize everything that he has done to our friend. And I will not stop trying until he does!"

I enter the tower, feeling the anger flow through me. I find Robin typing in the computer. I throw a starbolt at him, making him fall to the ground. He stands back up shakily.

He looks at me wide-eyed. "Star, what the hell was that for?" he asks in confusion.

"You coward! You CLORBAG! You-you, HOW DARE YOU!"

"What did I do? What's wrong? You're not acting yourself."

"How can I act like myself when you are back to looking for Slade while our friend Beast Boy is lying in the hospital dying! I do not understand why you are not there, willing to support him. I do not understand why you care about what is wrong with me, but when it is Beast Boy, you do not give a damn! It is your fault he almost took his life! You would not let me talk to him, you said he was dangerous. If you had not of said anything, we would not be in this horrible mess!" I turn away, the tears running down my face. I feel guilty almost instantly. It is not really all his fault, but I cannot help but feel that it is.

"Star," Robin says quietly. "I only said those things to protect you. I wasn't sure if the antidote was going to work. I wasn't sure if Beast Boy was going to attack again. And I'm looking for Slade to make sure he doesn't try and hurt him again," he says in an unconvincing tone.

I roll my eyes, feeling angrier. ___What a lame excuse_. He just does not want to admit he was wrong. "I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Friends should always come first. You do not realize how much damage you have done to him emotionally. He is your friend, and you have done nothing but treat him like dirt. And if you were making sure that Slade would not hurt Beast Boy again, you would be at the hospital right now to protect your friend."

"I'm just trying to stop Slade. He's no friend of mine." Robin lets slip. He covers his mouth, an expression of horror.

___Aha_ ___so the truth comes out_. I gasp in horror. "If he is no friend of yours, then you are no friend of mine!" I say in fury. I am about to turn to go back to the hospital when his gloved hand grabs mine.

"Star, please don't go. I love you."

I pause. I've been waiting to hear those words for a long time. Now the feeling instead of joyful, is hollow. I pull my hand out of his grasp, and fly back to the hospital to support Beast Boy.


	10. Robin Comes to His Senses

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, there would be a fluffy scene between Cyborg and Jinx in the episode "Deception"

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 10 Robin Comes to his Senses**

******Robin**

I stare after Starfire until she's out of sight. I had only just returned from chasing down Slade when she came and yelled at me. Slade had disappeared, and I was too tired to keep looking for him. My heart is pounding. Starfire's words keep ringing in my head. I can't help but wonder what made me say that Beast Boy was not a friend. He's always been my friend. He's a Titan. He's family.

I only wanted to protect the team. I wasn't sure if the antidote was going to work. What the others don't realize is, I was trying to protect Beast Boy too. The last thing I ever want to do is throw my friend, my fellow teammate in jail. I didn't want him to unwillingly hurt anyone.

I find myself in front of Beast Boy's room. I push open the door and step inside. I am amazed how clean it is. I never thought that was remotely possible. My eyes fall on the bullets in the middle of the floor. I am about to examine them when I see a note on the ground labeled "Robin" I open it up and read what it says.

___Dear Robin,_

___First I want to thank you for taking me in and making me a Titan. I've finally felt like I'm part of a family again, and I thank you for it. I'm sorry I'm such a screw-up. I'm sorry I mess up everything and don't take things seriously. I'm sorry for attacking you, Star, Cy, and Raven. Believe me, if I had control, I would never have. I'd rather die than hurt any of you. I'm sorry that I'm going to commit suicide. Think about it this way: At least you'll have a burden off your shoulders. You can concentrate on the missions without interruptions. The rejection and cold shoulders the others are giving me is cutting me up on the inside. I can't handle living another day with the emotional pain and guilt. Before I close this letter, I would like to wish you the best of luck in wherever life leads you. Tell Starfire you love her._

___Your friend,_

___Beast Boy_

I can feel tears running down from my mask. Starfire is right. It is my fault he almost killed himself. I was trying to protect the team, trying to protect him. I never realized how much pain I've inflicted on him. Star's right. I should be supporting my friend. I should be there, protecting him. I decide to go to the hospital, hoping everything's okay.

Five minutes later, I park the R-cycle in the hospital parking garage. I hurry to the waiting room. My face drains of color at the sight before me. Cyborg is comforting a crying Starfire. Raven is sitting in a chair, her head in her hands. I can see objects levitating from her having a hard time keeping her emotions under control. I hurry towards them, not caring if they yell at me. After all, I do deserve it. "What happened?" I ask urgently.

Starfire glares at me, and continues sobbing into Cyborg's shoulder. Cyborg, however, looks at me, taking a deep breath, and tells me something that makes my world turn upside down.

"BB's heart stopped. The doctors are trying to save him. They don't think he's going to make it."

I suddenly feel dizzy. I fall back into a chair, my head in my hands. I've always refused to show fear; to show sadness, but I don't care. I look up when I hear the door of the waiting room open. I stand back up, hoping with all my heart that it's good news. I know that the team will fall apart if he doesn't make it. ___Come on Beast Boy. Please live_.


	11. Not Ready to Face the Others

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, there would have been a fluffy scene between Robin and Starfire at the end of "Revolutions"

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 11 Not Ready to Face the Others**

******Raven**

I'm finding it hard to sleep. I try my best to not toss and turn so I don't injure Beast Boy more. I can't stop thinking about the events that happened earlier. How he saved my life. How he's lying here, dying because of me. I finally feel like I have the ability to finally sleep peacefully, when something happens that makes me forget all about sleep. Beast Boy's heart monitor goes flat.

I bolt out of the bed. I'm about to use my powers on him, when Dr. Haevert with two other nurses come bursting in. They rush right next to me, pushing me aside.

"Miss you're going to have to leave right now." Dr. Haevert says, his face drained of color.

I nod mutely, slightly angry that he wouldn't let me heal him. But I'm mostly terrified that Beast Boy isn't going to make it. The last thing I see before I leave the room is the doctor pumping Beast Boy's stomach to get his heart beating again. I enter the waiting room, my knees buckling. I hit the ground, and bury my head in my hands. I know objects are levitating because of my emotions, but I don't care at the moment.

"Raven what's wrong?" Cyborg asks urgently, coming to my aid.

"B-Beast Boy's flat-lining. The doctor is trying to save him."

"What does that mean?" I hear Starfire ask in confusion.

"It means BB's heart has stopped." Cyborg says in a cracking voice.

I hear Star gasp. I continue sobbing. ___Please don't leave me, BB._ ___Please pull through. For me_. My heart is pounding against my chest like a drum. I vaguely hear Robin enter the waiting room.

"What happened?" He asks urgently.

I want to glare at him for taking so long to come here, but find I'm in too scared to do so. I barely hear Cyborg's answer "BB's heart stopped. The doctors are trying to save him. They don't think he's going to make it."

Suddenly the door opens. I stand up quickly, praying with all my heart that he pulled through. ___Please say he pulled through, please._ The doctor walks out. I can't tell by the look on his face. He takes a deep breath.

"The good news is, Garfield Logan pulled through. The bad news is, he's still comatose, and I still can only allow one of you to see him."

I see great amounts of relief wash over Robin and Cyborg's faces. Starfire continues to cry, perhaps in happiness. Starfire attempts to follow the doctor, but I glare at her making her back up. Instead, I go back to Beast Boy's room. I sigh in relief as I hear his heart monitor beeping again. I lie back beside him and hold him close to me.___"_You scared me,you know. But thank you for not leaving me___" _I whisper into his ear as I fall instantly back to sleep.

******Beast Boy**

I open my eyes taking in the sight before me. It's completely dark. I can hear machines beeping around me. I figure out I'm in the hospital. I feel a figure lying beside me, her head on my chest, her arm draped across my stomach. My heart leaps when I realize it's my Raven. I am so happy that she hadn't abandoned me. My body still hurts from the books landing on top of me, and all the pain I encountered when Slade had me captured. But I choose not to think about it. Instead, I wrap an arm around Raven, enjoying having her beside me.

Suddenly she starts thrashing around in her sleep, her hands swiping at an invisible figure. "No, Robin Don't!" she screams. "Leave my Beast Boy alone!"

I am unsure of what I should do. Careful not to wake her, I start stroking her hair, whispering comforting words. She calms down, not waking up. I kiss her lightly on the forehead. "I'm right here, Rae, and I'm not leaving." I whisper. I fall back to sleep. I smile as Raven enters back into my dreams.

******Raven**

___It was the middle of the night. I had just come back from the bathroom and was about to go back into Beast Boy's room. I didn't think anything of it that his door was closed. That is until I noticed the door was locked. Fearing Beast Boy might be in trouble, I blew away the door. I gasped in horror._

___Robin was standing beside Beast Boy's bedside, a switchblade in his hand. "No, Robin. Don't!" I cried. "Leave my Beast Boy alone!"_

___I tried to use my powers, but nothing happened. I watched in horror as Robin cut off Beast Boy's life support. "Nooo!" I cried out._

___Robin ran out the door, and for some reason, I didn't stop him. I ran over to Beast Boy. His face was losing its color all over again. He was gasping for breath, the heart monitor going crazy. I slipped beside him, wrapping my arms around him tight."It's okay, Rae. I'm right here and I'm not leaving. It's okay." He said, stroking my hair. Though he was dying again, his words were somehow comforting, my fears calming down. That was until the heart monitor went flat again._

I wake up in a cold sweat, my heart pounding. ___Was it just a dream?_ I find myself still lying next to Beast Boy, my head still on his chest. I remember how his heart stopped last night, and Dr. Haevert was able to save him. I freak out slightly, wondering if he really did survive. I sigh in relief when I hear his steady heartbeat. I sit up and stretch, sunlight streaming through the window. It's morning. "Good morning, Beast Boy." I say, leaning over and kissing his lips, not really expecting much of a reaction. To my utmost surprise, I feel him kissing me back. After a moment, we break apart.

"Good morning, Rae." Beast Boy says sleepily, his green eyes shining.

"You're awake!" I say happily. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm still in pain, but I can't complain. Just as long as you're here, I'm fine. What were you dreaming about last night?"

I flush. I must've woken him up. On the other hand, that is a good thing. I decide to tell him my dream, leaving Robin out of it. "That you left me. You died and left me alone." I say, tears rolling down my face.

"What does that have to do with Robin?"

I frown. My first plan didn't work. I decide to change the subject. "You heard me last night, didn't you?"

He smiles at me, nuzzling my neck. "I did."

"I'm sorry."

"Nah. It was nice to hear your voice when I woke up."

I blush. I remember last night. "I was so scared that I had lost you forever." I whisper. "Your heart stopped beating last night. I was so scared, so scared."

He grins at me. "I thought you didn't do fear."

I glare at him. "Death is not something to joke about."

He wraps his arms tightly around me as best he can with the IV and wires attached to him. "I know. I'm sorry. I told you, you'll never lose me."

"I love you," I whisper, kissing him deeply.

"I love you, too."

"I'm going to tell the others that you're okay, and maybe then they can come in since you're awake." I am about to get off the bed, when Beast Boy's voice stops me.

"No!"

******Beast Boy**

"No!" I suddenly shout. She turns her eyes on me. I look away, in effort to hide the pain.

"Why not?" she asks. "They have to know that you're alive. Besides they'll find out anyway."

"You can tell them I'm alive." I say quietly. "I'm just not ready to see them yet, Rae. The pain is still so unbearable. I know they don't really care."

"Believe me, Beast Boy. They care. Starfire was practically sobbing when your heart stopped. Even Robin came by, took him a while, but he did. Cyborg was extremely upset. How can they show how much they care if you won't let them?"

My mind is swirling. Did Starfire actually cry for me? But why would Raven make something like that up? Do they really care? I still feel like I can't trust them.

I still feel the hatred they have for me. The disgust they show me whenever I'm around. I can still feel the emotional pain deeply embedded in my soul. I don't want to see their pity. I don't want to see their hatred.

"Raven you don't understand," I say quietly. "Before I tried to kill myself, they treated me horribly. I'm afraid to see them. It only brings back the pain they inflicted on me."

Her face softens, worry lines etched in her face. "Help me understand. Let me see your memories."

I hesitate at first. The memories are so painful. I don't want her to see. Then I realize that I trust her more than anybody else. She understands me. "Okay."

I close my eyes as Raven pulls on her hood and performs her spell. I feel weird as she enters my mind and my memories. The pain is sharp and bright as I relive them again: false laughter, tofu down the sink, being told that I'm not worth anything.

A few moments later she pulls out of my mind and lands back next to me, her hood down. She stares at me, tears in her indigo eyes. "Oh Beast Boy," she whispers. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault. If anything, you saved me." I answer in a pained voice. It is all I can manage.

She hugs me tightly. I lay my head on her shoulder. The pain is almost blinding me. I can't be alone right now. "Raven, will you stay with me for a while before you tell them?"

She touches my face and smiles. "Of course." She helps me lie back down. She lies down and snuggles next to me. I close my eyes, trying to think of something other than the physical and emotional pain that still flows through me. I hold her tight, wishing desperately that the pain would go away.

******Raven**

About an hour later, I walk into the waiting room. I am greeted by my anxious teammates "How is he?' Robin asks, tightening his hold on Starfire.

I hesitate. "He's awake."

After saying those words, I find myself in a tight embrace with Starfire. "Oh glorious! I shall go right in now and tell him how sorry I am!" She's about to leave the room, when I grab her arm.

"He's not ready to see any of you yet."

Star looks back at me. "Why not? We are his friends, he needs to know we care!"

"He's still in a lot of emotional pain. The way you guys have been treating him has caused more damage to him than you can possibly imagine."

"We understand. We realize what we've done to him." Cyborg says, taking a step towards me.

"No. You don't." I whisper, Beast Boy's painful memories flash through my mind over and over again. I do my best to hold back the tears. "You don't understand at all."

I feel like I need to show them what they had done to Beast Boy. I feel in order to help him, I need for the others to truly understand. They need to understand the anguish, the hurt, the loneliness. I pull up my hood and close my eyes. I decide to use my powers to send Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg back to a couple days ago...


	12. Starfire's Memory

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, Starfire would have kissed Robin to see if he was real or not in the episode "X"

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 12 Starfire's Memory**

******Starfire**

I am sitting beside Cyborg in the waiting room, neither of us speaking. It has been several hours since Beast Boy had been brought in and only an hour since I had yelled at Robin. We wait anxiously to hear about the condition of our friend.

Suddenly the door opens revealing Raven. My heart drops as I look at her face. Tears are running down her face, her body shaking. I watch as she falls to her knees and buries her head in her hands. Objects start levitating immediately in black aura. Cyborg and I rush towards her.

"What happened?" Cyborg asks urgently.

"B-Beast Boy's flat-lining." Raven manages to choke out.

I feel confused. "What does that mean?" I ask.

Cyborg turns to look at me, his dark face pale. "It means BB's heart has stopped." He says in a cracking tone.

I feel as if my sister has taken over Tameran again. I feel like I have lost everything. I know it is all my fault. I throw my arms around Cyborg and start sobbing hysterically. ___This is all my fault_ I think to myself over and over again. Suddenly Robin's urgent voice breaks through my thoughts.

"What happened?"

I glare at him, knowing he should have been here sooner. I am too mad to tell him. Cyborg speaks instead.

"BB's heart stopped. The doctors are trying to save him. They don't think he's going to make it."

I continue sobbing until I hear the door of the waiting room open and a young doctor walks out. We hold our breath, not daring to look at each other.

"The good news is, Garfield Logan pulled through. The bad news is he's still comatose and we can only allow one person to see him."

I let go of Cyborg and attempt to follow the doctor, but stop when Raven glares at me. She follows the doctor out of the waiting room. I feel my heart leap with joy, knowing that Beast Boy is alive. The joy does not last long as I remember how I treated him. I cannot believe I acted like such a clorbag to him. I cannot believe I treated him so badly. Suddenly, I feel a hand on my arm. I turn to see Robin. I feel like I should pull myself away from him, but cannot find it in my heart to do it.

"Star, could we please talk?" He asks in a pleading voice. I reluctantly follow him to the other side of the waiting room. We sit. I am refusing to look at him. After a few moments of silence, he speaks.

"Star, I know you hate me right now, and I can't blame you. I hate myself for what I did to Beast Boy. You're right. I have been treating him horribly. What you don't understand is I wasn't just trying to protect the team by making you stay away from him. I was trying to protect him as well."

He pauses. I continue to look at my hands. He takes a deep breath then continues.

"I was so afraid that the antidote wasn't going to work. I was afraid that the Beast was going to take over him again. I told you to stay away from him, not just because I was afraid he'd hurt you. I didn't want him to unintentionally hurt anyone. The last thing I ever want to do is put my friend in jail."

I look at him. I see tears running down his face. "Did you say 'friend'?" I ask.

Robin takes my hands in his. I want to pull away, but I can't bring myself to. "Yes. I didn't mean what I said before. He's always been my friend, always will be. Starfire, could you possibly find it in your heart to forgive me?"

I glare at him, my anger still present. "Not until Beast Boy does." I say quietly.

"Star, I don't deserve his forgiveness. But like you said, we need to support him. We need to support him together. As a team. So please, for Beast Boy's sake, just forget your anger. Just for right now."

My face softens. I feel sobs escaping my throat as I think about Beast Boy. Robin pulls me into his arms. I sob into his shoulder, unable to pull away.

The next morning, the door opens revealing a tired Raven. We stand up, facing Raven. "How is he?" Robin asks in a shaky voice, his arms still around my waist. I lean against him for comfort.

"He's awake." Raven says.

I feel the joy fill my heart again. I grab Raven in a hug. "Glorious!" I say, almost back to my normal self. This is the perfect opportunity to apologize to Beast Boy for everything I have done. "I shall go now and tell him how sorry I am." Raven grabs my arm before I pass her, stopping me in my tracks.

"He's not ready to see any of you yet."

"But we are his friends!" I protest. "He must know we care."

"The way you all have been treating him hurt him worse than you could possibly imagine." Raven says quietly.

I stare at her. Cyborg says exactly what I am thinking. "We understand. We realize what we have been doing to him."

"No, you don't" Raven whispers. "You don't understand at all."

Raven pulls her hood up and chants softly. "Azarath...Metrion...Zinthos..."

___I feel as though wind is blowing me away. I cannot see anything. I feel cold. The next thing I know, the feeling stops._

___I open my eyes and find myself back in Titan's tower. I wonder how I got here. I figure out I'm in the middle of the hallway, in front of a door. His door. I am about to knock when the door opens. "Beast Boy! You are well!" I say in delight, throwing my arms around him. I am shocked when my arms pass right through him. What the-._

___He walks right through me. Understanding dawns on me. I must be in the past. I follow Beast Boy down the hall and into the kitchen. Emotions of hope surround my heart."Hey Star."_

___I follow his gaze and see a perfect replica of myself, making the pudding of doubt."What is it, my friend?"_

___I cringe as I hear the false sweetness in her voice. I continue to listen, trying to remember."I have a joke for you," Beast Boy says. "If your mother is from Iceland and your father is from Cuba, then what are you?"_

"___What?"_

"___An ice cube!" He says, laughing. I notice his laugh is forced._

___I laugh, unheard by the others. I remember now. I found the joke pretty funny, actually. Even if I didn't understand it. I am horrified by my replica's response._

"___Good one." she says in a falsely sweet voice_. Did I really say it like that?

___Beast Boy turns around, facing but not really seeing me. I am horrified by the look on his face. Absolute anguish. I suddenly feel emotions surround me. Emotions of hopelessness, loneliness. I feel his misery, his despair. I clutch my head as the pain gets more intense. Trying to ignore all the emotions surrounding me, I follow Beast Boy out of the kitchen and back into the hall. As I follow him, I hear him muttering to himself._

"___Don't know why I even bother. I should just give up. All my life is pain."_

___We end up in his room. I stand by the door of his room, unable to take my eyes off____him. I watch as he reaches under his pillow and pulls out a razor blade. Tears are stained on his face. I watch in horror as Beast Boy pulls up one of his sleeves, and drags the razor across his forearm, cutting the skin. I feel pain flowing through my entire body. I feel as though he had cut me as well. Emotions of physical and emotional pain are swirling around the room. I close my eyes, not wanting to look at the blood running down his emerald arm. _Please stop ___I think to myself in pain. _Please get me out of here.

Suddenly I feel a hand grab me around the waist and I feel myself being pulled through a portal. I figure it is Raven, returning me back to the present. As I return to the waiting room, I cannot get the image of Beast Boy cutting himself out of my mind. His emotions are still swimming around me. I cannot stop thinking about what I had just seen and how it is all my fault.


	13. What Could Have Happened

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, there would have been a Raven/Beast Boy fluffy scene in the beginning of "Final Exam"

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 13 What Could Have Happened**

**Cyborg**

___I feel myself fall on my back. Somehow I managed to be back in Titan's tower. I look at my sensor just to see if I've been transported backwards or forwards. It reads the date is the 6th of November. Three days in the past. I find myself in the kitchen. I find a prefect replica of myself by the kitchen sink dumping white things down the garbage disposal._

"___Dude! What the hell are you doing!" a familiar voice shrieks._

___Both my replica and myself turn around. A mixture of many different feelings surround me as I stare at the look on Beast Boy's____face. The look of horror and extreme hurt. I feel his pain._

___I hear my replica reply back. I cringe, not just because of what he says, but how he says it. "I'm getting rid of your tofu. There's no room to store my meat. I've told you over and over again: This is a tofu-free zone. You want to eat tofu, go somewhere else."_

___I stare disbelievingly at my replica. _Did I really say that___?I ask myself in horror. _Did I really do that to him?___I watch as Beast Boy's head drops. He lifts his head back up and looks at my replica straight in____the eye. Feelings start swirling around me. Despair and anger, but most of all sheer agony. I feel as though I have been pierced through the heart,the emotions torturing me."Point taken, Cy," he says in a cracking tone, tears on his pale green face. "I'll get out of____your way. I just wanted to say goodbye." He turns to walk out of the kitchen, his head down. I follow him till he reaches his bedroom._

___I watch as he sits in his desk, picks up a pen and writes something. I look over his shaking shoulder and realize he's finishing a letter. A letter tome. I quickly read it._

Dear Cyborg,

My life will be ending in a couple of hours. This will be the last time you will hear from me. I just want to say I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for giving you that virus. I don't know if I've ever apologized for endangering your life, so I say it now. I never meant to, and I hope that someday you'll forgive me for it. I'm sorry I'm always such a screw-up. Please forgive me that I'm not very smart. I guess I just wasn't meant to be. I'm sorry I attacked you, Star, and Rob. I want you to know I'd never do that if I had complete control. I 'm sorry for how I acted before I took the antidote. I am especially sorry for what I said during our argument during breakfast earlier this week. Eating meat is your choice and I respect that. I was not in my right mind. I hope one day you'll forgive me.

Before I end my life, I want to you to know why I don't eat meat. I want you to understand why. Before I gained my powers, I ate meat. But after I became able to turn into any animal, I learned what they do to them. I'm terrified of being captured in animal form and butchered. I'm not trying to turn you into a vegetarian. I'm just telling you my view on things.

Thanks for playing game station with me and for being my best friend. I'll miss you.

Your friend forever,

BB

___I watch as Beast Boy glances at the gun on his bed. My heart pounds in anxiety. I see images of animals being tortured. I start shaking. I watch as Beast Boy aims the gun to his head and closes his eyes. The feeling of wanting to die is overpowering me. I know it's how he's feeling at this moment. _Please don't do it, please ___I think to myself in desperation."Best if I end it now." I notice his hand is shaking violently. "No point of causing the others pain. No point of sticking around when I'm just going to be in the way."_

___I watch as he drops the gun and falls onto his bed. "Not now." he whispers. "I still have to say goodbye to Raven," he whispers._

___I feel small amount of relief wash over me, but that still doesn't get rid of the great amounts of pain and guilt flowing through me. Beast Boy's my best friend, and I treated him like a nothing. I feel a hand pull me through the floor._

When I return to the waiting room, I'm a changed Titan.

******Robin**

___I hit the ground with a thud. I am not sure how, but somehow I am back at the tower. I pull out my communicator. "Titans, do you read me?" No response. _Why in the hell am I here?

___I see a little green mouse scurrying across the hall_. Beast Boy___. I decide to follow him. He leads me towards the living room. I watch as Beast Boy pauses, turning back into human form. He listens intently. I listen too. I hear my voice talking to Raven._

"___Isn't Beast Boy going with you guys?" Raven is saying._

"___He said he didn't want to come."I am shocked at the hatred in his voice._

___Beast Boy turns and heads back to his room. "They didn't even ask me. They probably still think I'm a monster."I follow him down the hall. _I only train worthy people ___keeps ringing in the hall. I feel greats amount of anguish and agony surround me. I feel guilt and self-hatred._

___I stand in front of his doorway, unable to move. I start shaking as I see Beast Boy pick up the gun off the floor and aim it to his head. "I'm so sorry, Rae." He whispers._

___I wait for Raven to come in and save him. It never happens. BANG! Beast Boy pulls the trigger."No!" I scream, falling to my knees._

___My heart pounds as I watch Beast Boy fall to the ground,a puddle of blood forming around him. Suddenly Raven rushes right through me."Beast Boy!" she screams._

___I want to look away, but find I can't. I watch as Raven pulls him into her arms. "Beast Boy, why?" she cries._

___The pain is incredible. I shut my eyes, tears cascading down my face. I feel like I'm dying. My eyes are forced open. Beast Boy weakly reaches up and touches her face. He whispers faintly. "Tell the others I'm so sorry. I love you, Raven."_

"___No," she whispers, her sobs echoing the room._

___As I observe Raven cradle Beast Boy in her arms, I realize that I'm not in Raven's memory. This is what could have happened if Raven hadn't of interfered. My body shakes even more as the realization hits me. The way I've been trying to protect him is killing him on the inside. I realize he's dead on the inside, and it's all my fault. I feel a hand pull me back into the waiting room._

I land back into the waiting room, my body still shaking. Starfire is beside me, tears cascading down her face. I pull my arms around her, but don't look at her. I am too ashamed.

"Now you understand," Raven whispers, a tear falling from her eye. "Why he's not ready to see you."

I don't notice that Raven has left. Instead, all I can think about is what I just saw.


	14. Beast Boy's Decision

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, Terra would never have existed on the show. (No offense to Terra fans, but I DESPISE her after what she did to Beast Boy. No one hurts my BB and gets away with it)

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 14 Beast Boy's Decision**

******Beast Boy**

___Five days later_

I'm lying in my bed staring at the ceiling. It's been a couple of days since I've been released from the hospital, and personally, nothing's changed. The others still treat me the same: they completely ignore me. If it wasn't for Raven, I would've tried to kill myself again. Actually, now that I think about it, if it weren't for Raven, I would be dead right now. I'm not sure if I should feel grateful or not.

I guess I haven't really given the others a chance. Ever since I arrived home, I've been in my room. I just feel like I need time to think about things. But the more I think, the more the pain keeps surrounding me. A quiet voice breaks into my thoughts.

"Hey"

I look down from my top bunk to see Raven standing in my room, holding a tray in her hands. She flies up and places the tray next to me. "How are you feeling, darling?" Raven asks.

I shrug my shoulders. I am shocked to see the food on my plate. Tofu. "Where did you get the tofu? I thought Cy tossed it all out!" I ask amazed.

"I went to the store." Raven says, stating the obvious.

"Oh." I say sheepishly. I smile at her gratefully.

"You never answered my question, Gar." she says quietly.

I don't really want to tell her how I'm feeling. I don't want to bring pain upon her again. So I decide to do what I do best. Play stupid. "What question?"

"You know what question Garfield!" she snaps.

"I'm feeling fine." I lie, keeping my eyes away from her.

"No you're not."

"Then why did you bother to ask?"

"Because I was hoping you'd open up to me. Please open up to me."

"I'm just not sure if I can forgive them or not. They hurt me so much, Rae. I'm so scared that if I forgive them, that the same thing will happen all over again, and the pain will come back. I don't want the pain to come back. And it's not like they're trying to show that they care-that is if they care in the first place."

"That's because I showed them something. I sent them into the past and made them feel what you felt. They saw your memories through your eyes. They feel way too guilty to say or do anything. They don't think they deserve your forgiveness. Now whether you're willing to forgive them or not is up to you, but you can't avoid them forever. You have to come out of this room sometime. Besides, I miss seeing you joking around and trying to get me to smile. I just want things to go back to the way they used to be."

I finish the tofu. Raven uses her powers to send the tray back into the kitchen. Then she moves over close to me. I wrap my arms around her and she leans against me. I run my hand through her soft hair. "Rae," I whisper.

"Yeah?"

"I don't know if I've ever told you this but thank you for being here for me. You saved my life. If it wasn't for you, I would've made the biggest mistake of my life. Thank you." I say, kissing her cheek.

"Beast Boy, you are what I live for. You are very welcome."

Raven kisses me passionately. Her kisses make my insides melt. "I have to go meditate before bed. I love you, Beast Boy."

"I love you too, Raven," I say back, returning the kiss. I lay back in my bed. I don't close my eyes until Raven has left my room.

___I found myself lying on the ground in my room. I couldn't remember how I got there, or what had happened the previous night. I realized it's the daytime. I got up and stretched. I was startled when I heard a voice shout my name. I recognized it as Robin's._

"___BEAST BOY! GET DOWN HERE!"_

___I didn't like the sound of his voice. Either something really bad was happening downtown, or I was in serious trouble. I hurried out of my room and headed to the living room. I was shocked by what I saw._

___Police officers were all over the living room, taking photographs, talking to Robin. I felt confused. What's going on here? I saw Robin point at me as I entered the room. My heart started pounding. What's going on here? I felt very nervous when an officer approached me._

"___Are you Garfield Logan?" an officer asked me._

___I stared at him in confusion. "Yes, what's the problem, officer?"_

___I started shaking when I felt the officer handcuff my hands behind me."You are under arrest for the murder of Raven Roth."_

"___WHAT?" I gasped in panic. "I wouldn't. I'd never hurt her! I love her!" I shouted in desperation._

___I looked around for support. Robin's face was full of hatred. Cyborg was glaring at me. I ____looked over and found Starfire sobbing by a figure on the ground, her body all torn up. Raven. Tears started running down my face as I saw the scratches on her and the blood around. I started shaking harder when I saw her lifeless body. I looked down at my clothes. They were all torn up, and scratches were all over my body. Horror struck me. The Beast escaped again_

"___No!" I screamed, falling to my knees. I shut my eyes as the tears fell down my face. "Robin! Please believe me! I'd never hurt her! Cy, buddy, please!" They glared at me as the police lead me out of the tower. I felt as though my life has ended. I had lost the most important person to me. The only person who believed in me. _I'm so sorry, Raven ___I thought to myself as I was put into the police car. _I'm so sorry.

I wake up suddenly, my heart pounding and my entire body sweating.. I look around my room. I'm still in bed. ___That was just a dream. _Tremendous relief consumes me. ___Thank God. _I sit up and bury my face in my hands. That dream felt so real. I could feel the hatred, I could feel the pain. I remember the look on Robin and Cyborg's faces in my dream. I remember how torn up Raven's body was. ___What if I lose control?_ ___What if it really happens?_

I get off my bed and start pacing around my room. Images of my dream keep flashing in my mind. I consider killing myself again, but remember the promise I made to Raven. I intend to keep that promise no matter what. After a few minutes, I come up with a solution. I must leave before the Beast takes over me again. I must leave before my dream actually happens. As I pull out a suitcase, I feel much calmer. The team won't have to worry about me anymore. They can forget about their guilt, and everyone will be safe and sound. I'm not sure of where I'm going, but all I know is I have to get out of this tower.

I walk over to my desk and pull out a piece of paper. On it I quickly write:

___Raven,_

___I'm leaving to find a place to control the beast within me. Please don't come looking for me. I'll return someday. I'll never forget you._

___Love always,_

___Beast Boy_

I pick up my suitcase and look at my room for the last time. Tears spill from my eyes as I realize I'm leaving my home. ___I'm doing this for Raven_ I remind myself. I open the door. I am about to walk into the hall, when I see someone standing in front of my doorway, about to knock.


	15. Comfort

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, Cyborg and Bumblebee would've had a fluffy scene at the end of the episode "Wavelength"

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 15 Comfort**

******Starfire**

___I was tossing and turning in my bed all night. It had been a few days since Beast Boy had returned home from the hospital. Ever since then, I have been unable to sleep. Images from what I saw kept flashing in my mind. Suddenly, I could not take it anymore. The guilt, the pain. I had to go apologize to him. I got out of bed and hurried down the hall. BANG! The sound made me jump out of my skin and echoed down the hall. That could not be… I felt very scared. I hurried toward his room when I saw Raven leave it, her face full of tears. I rushed up to her._

"___Friend Raven, what happened?" I asked urgently._

___She looked up at me, hatred filling her face. She grabbed my hands and pulled me into the room. My heart dropped to my feet at the sight before me._

___Beast Boy was lying on the ground, blood all around him. He was dead. I gasped in horror. __****__**No, please don't let it be true**____. I fell to my knees when I saw the gun lying in his hand. __****__**Friend, why? **____I tried to look away but Raven made sure that I kept looking._

"___You see what you made him do!" Raven shouted."It's all your fault he's dead! It's all your fault!"_

"___No!" I screamed. I clutched my head as her words kept ringing on the walls. I could not stop staring at the dead body in front of me, the blood. __****__**Please let it be a dream.**_

I wake up in a cold sweat. My heart is pounding so loud I bet the entire tower can hear it. The words of Raven keep echoing in my head. The dream felt so real. I cannot take it anymore. I must make sure Beast Boy is safe and sound. I must apologize to him, just in case my dream means something. I get out of my bed and leave my room. As I keep walking down the hall, I think about my dream, making tears fall from my green eyes. I do not care what time it is. I have to apologize to him. I am about to knock on his door when it opens. My eyes widen in shock as I see the suitcase in his hand, but I am too upset to care.

He drops his suitcase. "Starfire?"

I take good look at my friend, just to make sure he is real. I notice his body is shaking slightly, and his surprisingly pale face is stained with tears. My dream flashes back into my mind. I throw my arms around him. "Oh Beast Boy!" I sob.

I feel his body tense up just by my touch, making me cry harder. It hurts so much that he does not feel comfortable around me. I know I deserve the treatment though. I know I do not deserve his forgiveness. I am just so happy that he is still alive and that my dream did not come true, that I do not care. I feel surprised when he guides me into his room and tells me to sit on the bottom bunk of his bed. I sit, my hands covering my face. After a few minutes, my sobs cease. I look at Beast Boy, who is looking at me. I can not tell what he is thinking at the moment.

"What's wrong, Star?" His voice is so soft I can barely hear him.

"I had a dream."

"About what?"

"That you were dead and I never got to apologize." I cry, the tears starting to fall again. I watch as he looks away. Taking a deep breath, I decide to tell him now. "Friend, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Please believe me. You are one of my best friends. I was just obeying orders from Robin."

"What did Robin tell you?" His voice cracks.

"He said you were dangerous. He did not want me to get hurt. He was trying to protect me. But now I realize that the only thing he has been doing is causing you great amounts of pain. He told us to stay away from you. I knew that you were not acting yourself when you started staying shut up in your room. I hate myself for not coming to see if you were okay. It is all my fault you are in so much pain. I know I do not deserve to ask this, but is there a possibility you could forgive me? I just want things to go back to the way they were."

I watch as he keeps his eyes fixed on his hands. He still refuses to look at me. "You don't know how much you hurt me, Star." he says quietly.

I remember the past Raven sent me to. I remember Beast Boy cutting himself, the pain he felt, and what I had done. I feel even more guilty. Silently, I pull up one of his sleeves. I gasp as I see the gash on his arm, still trying to heal. It really did happen. He really did cut himself after I refused to laugh at his joke. I remember the memory. "Believe me I do. Raven sent me to your past. She sent me where I refused to laugh at your joke. I felt everything you felt. I watched you do this to yourself." I say quietly. "I do know."

He looks at me in the face. My heart beats faster and faster. Beast Boy does not look like the strong, funny, tough Titan I have always known. His walls are down and I see his weak side. He looks so lost. All of his emotions are showing through. I look into his eyes and see extreme pain and guilt. After what seems like an eternity, he pulls me into his arms for a friendly hug. I hear a couple of sobs escape him. He is trying to hold them back. I hug him tightly back, so happy that he has forgiven me. "Thank you for talking with me, Star. It means a lot to me," he says, his voice finally back to the normal volume. "I'm going to miss you."

I remember the suitcase. "Where are you going?" I ask.

"I don't know. Robin is right about one thing. I am dangerous. I have to get out of the tower, go somewhere so I can learn to control the Beast within me. I can't stay any longer. You guys are better without me."

I feel panic rising in me. I know that is not the only reason why he is leaving. He still thinks Robin and Cyborg do not care about him. He wants to get away from the pain. I feel tears running down my cheeks again. "No! You cannot leave us! You are not dangerous! If the Beast is coming back, Cyborg can give you another antidote. Please, do not leave us. Think about friend, Raven. It would break her heart if you leave her."

"I'm doing this ___for_ her. I also had a nightmare. I dreamed that the Beast took over me again and I unintentionally killed her. I don't want a chance like that to happen. So I'm going to find somewhere that I can't hurt people."

"But-." I start, but Beast Boy cuts me off.

"There's no point trying to talk me out of this. I've made up my mind. You need to get some sleep, and so do I. I have to get up early tomorrow."

I try to say something further, but Beast Boy gently pushes me out of his room. "Tell Raven I will come back for her."

Before I can say another word, Beast Boy shuts his door, leaving me in the hall. I look at the clock on the wall and realize it is 1am. I know Cyborg will probably hate me for this, but I know I must talk to him before Beast Boy leaves us forever.

I hurry to his door and knock frantically, trying not to wake anyone else up. After a few minutes, he opens the door. "Starfire?" he says, yawning. "Do you know what time it is?"

"Please forgive me friend, but I really need your help. It is really important."

"Help with what?"

I take a deep breath. "Friend Beast Boy is leaving the tower for good. He thinks he is dangerous. He thinks we do not care. I need your help to convince him that we do care, and to stay."

Cyborg's face drains of color, now fully awake. He pulls me into his room. As the door closes behind us, I hope with all my heart that we can find a way to convince Beast Boy to stay. We are not Titans without our changeling.


	16. Trying to Convince Him to Stay

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, we would know who Slade really is.

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 16 Trying to Convince Him To Stay**

******Beast Boy**

I shut the door behind me, hoping that Starfire will go back to bed. I decide to wait for a little bit before leaving the tower for good. I walk over to my desk. On it is a picture of the team. I remember when that photo was taken. It was the first time the team went to the park together. We were all sitting on a blanket, picnic food surrounding us. Robin had his arm around Starfire as he was giving her bunny ears. Cyborg was giving me a noogie, while Raven was sitting there with a book in her hands. I keep that photo on my desk, because it is the only picture I have where Raven was actually smiling. Those were the good old days. We didn't have to worry about anything except crime. I was normal, well as normal as I could get. The only thing that was different was that Raven and I weren't together. As I gaze at the photo, I realize that deep down inside my heart I have forgiven them. Robin, Cyborg, Starfire. I have forgiven them for all the pain they've caused me. Tears fall from my eyes as I realize what I'd be leaving behind. All those great memories. But I know I have to leave, for it's what is best for the team. This is how I can show them that I forgive them.

Now is the time to go. I pick up my suitcase. I decide to grab me some food for the road. I want to get out of here before the others see me. Otherwise it would just make leaving even harder. I walk to the kitchen and stop in front of the refrigerator. As quietly as I can, I pull out some tofu. I place it in a small bag. I pick up my suitcase. I am about to walk away when a voice stops me in my tracks.

"Hey, BB. Haven't seen you in a while."

I turn around, the color drained from my face. The kitchen light flips on. I find myself face to face with Cyborg. He's standing by the light switch. The grin is gone from his face. Quite the contrary, his face is as pale as mine. "C-Cy." I sputter out. "What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"Oh."

"Where do you think you're going?" Cyborg asks. My body starts to shake. ___Don't make this harder for me_

"Away," I say simply. I refuse to look at Cyborg. My heart is pounding.

I start to walk away, but stop when Cyborg suddenly bursts out. "Are you crazy! I still have to beat your butt on the game station. Come on, let's play!"

I feel a part of me wanting to sit down and play video games with my best friend, just like the good old days. But I know I'd be endangering his life if I did that. I shake my head firmly. "I have to get out of here."

"Aw, c'mon man! Just one game before you go?" Cyborg pleads.

I walk past Cyborg, a tear falling from my eye. "I'm sorry Cy. I don't want to endanger your life again. Take care. I'll miss you, buddy."

I continue walking towards the elevator. Robin's voice stops me. I turn to see he's standing beside the couch, Starfire beside him, a remote in his hand.

"Hey, Beast Boy you're just in time to watch Wicked Scary 2 with Starfire and I."

___There's a Wicked Scary 2? _I think to myself in excitement. I loved the first one. But then I remember what I'm doing. I shake my head. "No thanks, Rob. I really must get going."

"Please, friend. You must join us in watching of the Wicked Scary." Starfire says.

___Why would Cyborg want to play game station with me at 3 in the morning? Why would Robin and Starfire want to watch a horror movie with me this early in the day? Why isn't Robin looking for Slade? _All these questions keep ringing through my head. I suddenly understand what they're doing. They're trying to distract me to keep me from leaving. They are trying to remind me of all the things I love to convince me to stay. But I can't stay. I must protect my friends. "Please, don't try distracting me. I've made up my mind. I have to leave, and you all know it's for the best."

"How can it be the best if you are not here with us, friend?" Starfire asks, tears running down her face. I figure she told Robin and Cyborg. I silently pray that she didn't tell Raven.

___So much for leaving quietly_

"Yeah, I mean who else am I going to beat on the game station? Who am I going to argue with every morning? Who's going to be my best friend?" Cyborg adds.

"You are a Titan. You belong with us." Robin adds. "We understand if it's because of the way we treated you, but don't do this to Raven. You'll break her heart."

My heart pounds in pain. Not the kind of pain that I used to get from the others. But the pain of having trouble leaving. I'm struggling with a conflict. I am having a hard time leaving the people and things I love behind. I don't want to break Raven's heart, but I don't want to end up physically hurting anyone either. More tears fall. I decide it's best to just leave. "I've already forgiven you guys for how you treated me. That's not why I'm leaving," I whisper. "I just don't want to endanger any of your lives. I don't want the Beast to take over me again. I'm so afraid it will. I don't want to hurt any of you. Your lives are more important than mine. That's why I'm leaving."

I walk up to Robin. I hand him my communicator. "Give this to Raven as something that she could remember me by."

I turn back around. I finally feel like it's time for me to leave. I've lingered here too long. As I head towards the elevator, I feel the suitcase in my hand getting heavier and heavier with each step I take. By the time I reach the elevator, it's so heavy, I can't lift it anymore. I end up dropping it beside me. I look down at it and see it surrounded by black aura. I turn around and see Raven standing a few feet away from me, her powers still ready for use. A tear falls from her eye.

"Gar, why are you leaving me?"


	17. Raven puts her Foot Down

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, there would be a much more fluffier scene between Beast Boy and Raven in "The Prophecy:"

******I'll Be**

******Chapter 17 Raven Puts her Foot Down**

******Raven**

I wake up to loud knocking at my door. I glance at the clock. 2:30 am. The knocking continues. I groan and get out of bed prepared to yell at whoever is outside my door. It's Cyborg with an extremely worried expression on his face.

I glare at him "Cyborg it's 2:30 in the morning-."

Cyborg interrupts me. "BB's leaving the tower for good. Since you are the closest person to him, we need your help to convince him to stay."

My face drains of color. "He's WHAT!" I shriek, my lamp exploding. ___Is this some kind of joke?_ I glance at the serious look on Cyborg's face and can tell it's not by his expression. "Why!" I ask in desperation.

"He thinks he's dangerous. He thinks we're much better without him. We need your help right now. We don't know when he's going to leave."

My heart is pounding against my chest as Cyborg's words sink in. I feel my heart breaking. He's leaving me. My Beast Boy is leaving me. I feel tears starting to run down my face. Cyborg wipes some off with one of his robotic fingers. "Don't cry, Rae. If you let me in, I will tell you our plan."

I mutely let him enter my room. The door closes behind us. I listen to Cyborg closely, hoping that this will get my Beast Boy to stay. If not I have a few tricks up my sleeve.

A half hour later, I am standing in the hallway waiting for Cyborg's signal. The others are going to try and distract Beast Boy in effort to keep him at the tower. If that doesn't work, I'll have to unlock my secret weapon: guilt trip. I watch in the hallway as Beast Boy hands Robin his communicator. "Give this to Raven as something she could remember me by."

As Beast Boy heads towards the elevator, Cyborg gives me the signal. I step into the living room. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos," I chant quietly, making the suitcase he's holding get heavier and heavier with each step he takes.

At first I fear that he'll transform so he could carry it without any trouble. I sigh in relief when he drops the suitcase. I stand quietly in the room, my eyes watching every move he makes. I watch as he glances at the suitcase, realizing it's me. He turns around his green eyes meeting my violet ones.

___Stick to the plan_. ___Ask him to tell you a joke_. I open my mouth, but my thoughts come tumbling out.

"Gar why are you leaving me?"

******Beast Boy**

I drop my head. I wanted so much to be able to sneak out without anyone catching me, especially Raven. I knew she would be the hardest person to get away from. I don't want to break her heart. It's the last thing I'd ever want to do. Damnit! I should've transformed. Her words keep ringing in my head. I'm not sure of what to say. After a moment, I speak. "I have to protect you, Rae." I say quietly.

"Protect me from what?" Raven asks.

"From myself." I want to turn and go, but the look on her face keeps me rooted to the spot. Extreme sadness.

She takes a step towards me. I try to look away, but I can't. "Beast Boy, you are ___not_ dangerous!" she says firmly.

"You don't know that! I still feel the Beast inside of me. How do you know it's not going to try and take over again? What makes you so sure that you are safe when you're around me?"

"I am certain, because I love you. I trust you. You know how hard it is for me to trust people, but I trust ___you_. You took the antidote. That time of your life with the Beast inside you is over with. It's not coming back. Cyborg's antidote proves that."

She takes another step forward. I can almost feel her body heat. I try to leave, but find I still can't move. I can't tear my eyes away from her pleading violet ones. I feel myself shaking. "Rae, don't do this to me. The closer you get, the harder it is for me to leave. I need to get out of here, before you get hurt. Please, let me leave." I just gave her an advantage. Hopefully she won't notice.

She takes another step forward. We're inches apart from each other, our lips almost touching. "That's why I keep on coming closer-to prevent you from leaving." she whispers, before meeting her lips with mine. I try to protest, but she opens her mouth, deepening the kiss. I feel tears slide down my face as my dream pops back into my mind. Her torn up body, everything. I try to pull away, but find I can't. She wraps her arms around my neck. I reluctantly wrap mine around her waist, allowing myself to kiss her back. ___I shouldn't be doing this. I should be leaving now. _I can't stop. After a moment we pull apart.

My heart pounds. Raven runs her hand gently against my face. I feel my whole body shiver. "I love you, Beast Boy. Please don't leave me." She buries her head into my chest, trying to hold the sobs back.

I am still overwhelmed by the kiss. She's so close to me, and I never want to be away from her again. I pull up her chin gently with one of my gloved fingers. I look into her eyes. "Thank you, Raven." I whisper, hugging her tightly. I shut my eyes, concentrating on her heartbeat.

"For what?" she asks.

"For loving me so much." I answer, kissing her again.

"So you are staying?" Raven asks.

I think about it. At first I remember the Beast within me, then about the antidote. How can I leave when she kisses me like that? How can I leave when she loves me so much? I decide to do what she wishes for. To stay and let things go back to the way they were. And if the Beast within me decides to come back, I know she'll stay by my side to help me face it. "Try and stop me."

Raven breaks down completely and starts sobbing on my chest. "Thank you." she manages to choke out.

I suddenly feel arms wrap around both Raven and I. "Glorious! You are staying!"

I let Starfire hug me. I continue to hold Raven, enjoying her warmth. The next thing I know Robin and Cyborg join the embrace. Tears continue rolling down my face, but this time they're tears of pure happiness. I've finally found my place in this world. Right here in the tower with my friends.

After a moment we pull apart. I've never felt happier. Cyborg ruffles my hair affectionately. "Now I believe there's a certain changeling I must beat on game station."

"You're on!" I say in enthusiasm. I start to run towards the couch, but end up falling back into Raven's arms. I look at my feet and see they're surrounded by black aura. I look at Raven

"Sorry," she says, helping me back on my feet and ridding of her hold on them. "I had to keep you from leaving me somehow." she says quietly.

I grab her around the waist and twirl her around. "Thanks, Rae." I whisper, realizing that leaving her would've been the biggest mistake of my life.

She gives me a soft kiss. "Anything for you, babe. Now let's go beat Cyborg's sorry butt on the game station."

I raise my eyebrow. "Us?"

She nods. As all of us head towards the couch, I am truly thankful that I'm alive.

******The End**


End file.
